How do I get my mother in law out of my house?
My mother in law fell on hard times and lost her home and filed bankruptcy. She called my husband and I in distress and ended up moving in with us (with her 26 year old son that has cerebral palsy) until she got on her feet. My husband and I have three children and live in a single family home so having them move in went from comfortable to cramped. She is 58 years old has a stable job as a supervisor making decent money (about 40,000 a year), however, she is always crying broke. She doesn’t contribute to the household financially because she is suppose to be saving money so she can move. She doesn’t even help clean, cook, or babysit. She is a total useless mooch. She has been given several deadlines to move out (latest was April 1) but she always comes up with some weak excuse why she’s unable to move. My husband and I are sick of housing freeloaders. Arguing with her does nothing but stress me out. I want her out of my house. How do I get them out and save the relationship?
September 19th, 2009 at 6:02 am
Tell her to get the newspaper outside for you and when she does close and lock the door. later ma
September 19th, 2009 at 9:53 am
Sit down with your husband and devise a plan that she must pay you “x” amount per week because she is now a financial strain on your family. Set this money aside, once there is enough, make her find a place to live even if you have to take her. You need to push, put your foot down and put it down solid. If you think it’s worth it go find a place for her and put the deposit down for her, but that is going a little far I think.
September 20th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
well obviously you and your husband feels the same way about her staying which is great now all you got to do is tell her, don’t ask but demand her to move out, this is your house not hers and you have to be direct and firm with her, do not listen to the pity crap that she dishes out, you and your husband have your own lives to live and you guys have a family to take care of, tell her she needs to get out by a certain date and make sure she’s out at that time.Good luck!
September 23rd, 2009 at 3:23 am
Get them out AND save the relationship? That might take some time… I suspect there will have to be healing on both sides.
First of all, I commend you for taking them in. That isn’t easy. I’m sorry that she won’t help with the housework or babysitting, or even finances. That does make things a lot more stressful.
In her defense (sorry, but I have to say this) it is no picknick taking care of a grown man with CP, particularly if it is severe. I don’t know what his life is like, but I’m not going to say that it is easy. Maybe she feels alone in that chore and unappreciated? Maybe she feels somehow emotionally supported by being in your home?
As far as being a total useless mooch, well, I understand your frustration but she did raise your husband and I understand that you’ve housed her for a while now, but you know what you put into raising kids. Is she depressed? Maybe she needs some kind of help to boost her belief that she can take care of herself?
Financially it seems like she should be able to afford an apartment of her own — what are her medical bills like?
I think that if you really want her out you have to set the date, find the place, hire the truck and move her stuff for her. But your relationship will suffer.
How about asking her if she feels “up to” living on her own again. This might start a dialogue to help you understand her real motivations for not leaving and help you all figure out a way to support her into moving in a way that she can handle and save your relationship all at the same time.
September 26th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Let her know that it’s really hard with the living situation and stand up to her she’ll be mad for a little while but they do get over it my mother in law use to be in my house every day and then invite her friends over as well on top of that she would ask for money every other day saying she needed to pay on some bill or she had to buy some food yet she was eating at my house every day finally one day i just got fed up and told her off I didn’t mean to do it the way it came out I was just so tired of it all and just happened to be in a bad mood well now I’m glad I did cause we have our life back and on top of that we’re even closer cause I help her realize that she can do things on her own and that we’re here to help if she really needs us but most of the time she doesn’t
September 27th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
your husband needs to grow a pair and tell mom it’s time for her to move. If she can’t afford a house then find her an apartment that she can rent. But he needs to let her know that it’s time for her to move on.
stop arguing. just act.
Give her a time period to be out by. Pack up her stuff and have it carted off to storage if she is not out by the deadline. Change the locks and don’t give her a key to the house.
Now which relationship are you trying to save? yours and hers? probably can’t–it may be strained for a while and take a while to heal. If you are talking about your relationship with your husband then you need to tell him, if he values his marriage then it’s time to move mom out.